Psychotic (ON HIATUS)
by super-sirius-saves-the-day
Summary: S.H.I.E.L.D. has been torn down and is on the mend. Grant Ward will need a lot more than that if he is ever going to be in fighting shape again. But, then again, maybe he shouldn't be. After all, he is psychotic. (focus on Ward, but will also talk about the rest of the team because they're all amazing)
1. Chapter 1

Psychotic.

Duplicitous.

Weak.

Grant Ward sat alone in a grey room. Every crossroad he had ever been at running through his mind. The choices he had decided to make chipping away at his sanity. What if? Those two little words seared his brain.

_What if I had never worked for Shield?_

_What if I had never met Garrett?_

_What if I had never seen Skye? _

Each thought stung and, feeling as if he was left with no other option, he began to carefully fold the slip of paper he had been allowed. After his run-in with the metal button, S.H.I.E.L.D. had been careful with his surroundings, but not careful enough.

Pain. Excruciating. Agonizing. Pain. It was the one thing he could focus on. He was determined to end his imprisonment. He needed to end the waiting. The thinking. The silence. The room was so still, so quiet that he could heat his blood rushing through his body. It made every action ten times louder. It was deafening. He tightened his grip around the makeshift weapon and began on his own destruction. But he wasn't fast enough. He never was.

When he woke, he found a familiar face. Sitting on the other side of the electric wall was Agent Phil Coulson, one of the many he had deceived and one of the few who had taken it the hardest.

"Ward," He spoke in an even voice, cautious not to let his emotions get the best of him. If there was one thing that Coulson had learned from his many years on the force, it was not to show an enemy any sign of weakness.

"Coulson," The dark haired man returned the terse greeting. He had been waiting for human interaction for so long, unfortunately, the middle-aged agent was not the man that Ward had been hoping to see. The Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. fidgeted slightly in his seat as he regarded his former teammate's haggard appearance.

"What can you tell us about Hydra?" Ward smiled softly, the life flickering out of his eyes. What else could he have expected? He was scum in the eyes of nearly everyone he cared for, but he was still useful. Grant Ward was a piggy bank of Hydra secrets that Coulson was ready to shatter.

"Bring Skye. I will tell anything and everything to her. Only her." He retreated to the far wall and sat down against it. If they were going to keep him breathing, he might as well have something to live for.

_**Hey,**_

_**So I'm a little obsessed with Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and Grant Ward so I'm starting a story YAY! Anyways, this story will definitely be a bit darker than my other pieces because Ward is a pretty dark guy, but I'm really excited to start this. Please let me know what you think:)**_

_**-SSSTD**_


	2. Chapter 2

Memories.

Being locked away from civilization really gives a person time to think. A time to reflect on what he's done. Grant Ward had finally gotten over his suicidal tendencies, but he wasn't any less miserable. He just had a reason to live: Skye. Because, although she may never forgive him, she needed him to protect her. Without a heroic cause, finding a way to end his life, Ward had grown aimless. Every day was a sad, gray blur. He woke up with on wish but it was never granted and the next day he would start all over again.

However, the one thing he did have was memories. Magnificent and horrific. And that's how he maintained his sanity. He rejected his situation and began to live in the past. He was surprised at how nice the simplest moments had been.

"_Coffee?" Skye asked as she picked a white ceramic mug off the shelf, "I never pegged you as one of the caffeine addicted. I mean, maybe, I could see you drinking tea or something. So, what do you take it with? Three packets of sweetener? Milk?" A teasing smile spread across her face as she placed her cup under the machine. Ward smiled, oddly amused at her mocking. It was pleasant being part of a team, even if it was only a cover._

"_Black," he replied, "And what makes you think I would drink tea?" Skye sat across from him on a firm, blue couch. She took a long sip from her mug before sighing happily._

"_Hmmm," she began, a playful look in her eye, "Well, you do have that weirdly detached vibe that makes me think you could be drinking a cup of Oolong and practicing Tai Chi at five in the morning." _

Ward closed his eyes and smiled. He had taken those few, precious moments of downtime for granted and now he was trapped. He was a monster in her eyes and there wasn't anything he could do about it. Other than be there for her and tell her everything he knew. But every moment thinking of her only brought more pain because he could never get back what they had. Still, he couldn't help but think back to the last and only real moment they had shared.

_Grant Ward sat on the couch, across from Skye. He wanted to show her that he was serious about them being an "us". He needed her to know that he was more than just an emotionally dead specialist. After she identified him as Kevlar, a fabric that blocked everything else out, he wanted nothing more than to come clean. He told her how she was bad for him. Ward explained how specialists had to think critically and emotionlessly in order to survive. And yet, she still sat there with an almost hopeful and very worried expression etched across her perfect features. She was so incredibly vulnerable, ready to start something with him and take a leap of faith._

"_But you're right. I'm Kevlar and you're not," he stated evenly, trying not to let the want slip into his voice. He had to remain composed while baring his soul if he was going to follow Garrett's orders._

"_You don't have to be. You don't have to shut people out," She argued, almost frustrated that he wouldn't drop his defenses. She didn't understand why he was so guarded._

"_Yeah I do. There are things about me," Ward paused, corpses of the countless people he had murdered through his mind, " that you wouldn't like if you knew."_

"_You think I don't have skeletons?" Skye was indignant. It was clear from her furrowed brow that she felt as though he was underestimating her in some way. She thought he was simply making excuses because he wasn't truly ready to be honest with her. She was right._

"_It's different. You're good," Ward tried to make her comprehend. They were such different people and, even as he spoke with her about his feelings, he had a hidden agenda. Despite the validity of his words, he wouldn't be saying them if Garrett didn't need the hard drive, if he wasn't a part of Hydra._

"_So are you."_

"_Not always," he paused momentarily and looked her in the eyes, wondering how she would react to what he was going to say next, "I lied to you. My older brother, he didn't beat up my younger brother. He was crueler than that. He made me do it. And I let him. I was afraid of him."_

"_What about your parents?" She couldn't fathom how someone who had been blessed with a family could still be so cursed. Had she really been searching for a home for so long when those with them wished they didn't?_

"_They were worse. I am not a good man, Skye." He willed her to agree with him. He needed her to pull back, to stop him from doing something he'd regret._

"_Hey," she breathed, moving to sit next to him. Skye pulled his chin towards her and made eye contact before assuring him, "Yes your are." And that was all Grant Ward could handle. He moved his face forward and kissed her with all he had. He moved urgently, trying to show her how he felt. But she pulled away far too soon, staring at his ear. He saw blood on her fingers and stood up quickly._

"_One of my cuts must have opened up," Ward lied, making his way to the bathroom. And, just like that, the moment was over._

He grimaced his cell. Shortly after that, she discovered the body and figured out who he-what he was. Now he just had to prove he was different.

_**Hey,**_

_**So I'm back. Here's chapter two. Yippee:) Anyways, I probably will only spend another two or three chapters in the cell before moving on to slightly evil season two Ward. Please let me know what you think because unfortunately I can't read minds:( Also, please let me know your favorite Ward moments (they don't have to be with Skye) and I will try to relive them from his perspective in a flashback.**_

_**-SSSTD**_


	3. Chapter 3

He rushed to the door, ready to escape, to get them both to safety. But then the one thing, he had never anticipated, occurred. A shot rang out and Ward hit the floor, unable to process what had happen. A couple more bullets pelted him and he turned his head toward the source. He was unable to fathom what had just transpired. Had she really shot him?

"Never turn your back on the enemy, Ward, you taught me that," Skye spat without the slightest bit of sympathy. She quickly rushed out of the room, barely glancing in his direction. So he lay there, partially propped up, wondering how it could have come to this. He was well aware that she had never forgiven him, but he didn't think that Skye could ever kill him. He thought that his near death encounter with Deathlok months before had proved that. Then again, maybe she was finally becoming closer to the monster that Raina had tempted him with. He could still remember every word she had said to him like it was yesterday.

_She had told him that Garrett wasn't crazy; merely a visionary and they all needed the same thing._

"_Skye. We need Skye and that's all you ever wanted, isn't it. The evolution he speaks of, she'll be an important part of that. So go get her, Grant Ward." Raina spoke in an even measured tone, her wide, hypnotic eyes daring him to argue with her, to deny how badly he needed the plucky "hacktivist", but he was preoccupied with what she meant. Why would Garrett need Skye? There was no denying that she would be an asset to any team but hell would freeze over before she swore her allegiance to any organization but S.H.I.E.L.D._

"_Get her for what?" He towered over her but still felt as though she had the upper hand. What use could she have for Skye? And why was she attempting to help him at all? The petite woman fixed her unnerving Mona Lisa smile at him before continuing in a singsong voice._

"_Her world is going to change and, when it does, she could be yours." His? His. The idea that he might someday be with the woman he loved had been enough to get him through many sleepless nights, but hearing the words spoken out loud made Grant Ward realize just how ridiculous they truly were. She had called him a Nazi, become nauseous at his touch, and was currently working her hardest to bring about his end. The idea that she might ever look at him with anything but repulsion was a mere fantasy._

"_Wow, you really are crazy," He attempted bravado but quickly heard his voice drop, "Skye detests me. She thinks I'm a monster." There was no point in denying the truth any longer. The sooner the broken agent accepted it, the better. But then, she asked the question that Ward had been wrestling with his whole life._

"_Are you? Is that your true nature? Or is that what Garrett made you to be?" Was he born evil? Had he always been a bad seed or was he a victim of circumstance? Could he really be held accountable for the actions committed under his brother, Christian's, malicious rule or for falling prey to Garrett's brutal honesty? Was his honor really determined by his sheep-like tendencies to follow orders? And, if he were to go back fifteen years, would he still follow Garrett out of the Detention Facility?_

"_I don't know," was his only response. What else could he say?_

"_Well, you know about Skye's parents. About the darkness inside of her. I believe in a world where her true nature will reveal itself. And, when that day comes, maybe you two could be monsters together." She walked past him, exiting the base without a second thought but Ward could think of nothing else. Would Skye ever become a monster? Would she ever grow to care for him? And, if she did surrender to a more sinister nature, would she still be the girl he cared so deeply for? Ward had always hated the unknown but that conversation made the hair on the back of his neck stand up and forced him to take some course of action._

Warm, sticky blood began to seep through his shirt as he assessed his surroundings. Without a clear exit strategy or a helping hand, it was unlikely that he would ever make it out of the situation alive. This thought, unfortunately, lead to more reflection.

The reality that he had been fatally wounded by the one person he cared about had finally soaked in, but Ward was still at a loss to figure out why. After she had begun visiting him in his vault, he had started to hope again. He took comfort in the fact that he had been able to ply her with valuable information and prepare her for the dangers she might face. Of course, he had expected her conviction that he was a ruthless murderer to be strengthened when he finally burned down the family that had torn him apart and forced him to find a new life, but he had prayed that, on some level, she would understand why he needed to be rid of them. After all, he had told her about the well. About the hell he had endured growing up. And he had kept every promise he had made. He'd taken her to meet her father and spared the rest of her team when he could have easily ordered their demise. And, above all, Raina had confessed his love for her and he'd made no move to deny it. His face had displayed the honesty of the outburst but it didn't really matter anymore. He would never even see her again and never know whether or not she became a monster or if she had just summoned up the courage it took to actually pull the trigger.

_**Hey,**_

_**So I know you guys were probably expecting more jail cell time but I have to keep this story moving forward and have some ideas that I want to get on paper before season 2b happens. I will not ignore or deny anything that has happened so far and will use information in the upcoming episodes but I really want to have a little unscripted fun:) Please let me know what you think and if there are any big moments that you want Ward to relive. I'm figuring out a way to put in a suggestion right now and am so super duper excited to do it! Comments really do help the writing process so please please PLEASE tell me what you like and don't like, who your favorite character is, who you think my favorite character is (because, guess what? It might not be Ward), and what you hope happens in the next season.**_

_**-SSSTD**_


	4. Chapter 4

Skye had always thought herself to be an excellent judge of character. This was partially because she was phenomenal at pattern recognition and decoding information and partially because she simply didn't trust many people to begin with and those she did rarely disappointed her. Unfortunately, she wasn't invincible and, just like any computer she'd ever seen, her systems could be hacked. And that's exactly what Grant Ward had done. He'd spotted a weakness in her and exploited it for all it was worth. He had noticed her hunger for a family, for affection and had pretended that he yearned for the same thing. He had twisted her crush into something ugly and now she had to deal with the consequences.

She could still remember the moment they first kissed vividly. Perhaps it was because it was the first time she was emotionally invested in a relationship or maybe it was because she had always known, deep down, that it was too good to be true.

_They were locked away in a storage room on the bus, multiple S.H.I.E.L.D. agents prowling around, on the other side of the door, in search of them. For some bizarre and unknown reason, Agent Hand believed they were Hydra or, at least, wanted to convince others that they were. It was clear that Coulson would always be a threat to the sinister organization and his team would follow him to the ends of the earth. They were more than the usual crew; they were connected as emotionally as they were professionally. Little did she know at the time, this was a factor that would end up hurting Skye the most._

"_Give me your I.C.E.R." Grant Ward ordered, his back to the beautiful young woman as he faced the door. Realizing that he was suggesting exiting their brief respite from the chase, she questioned him._

"_What are you going to do?" Sky waited a beat, praying that he wasn't going to say what she thought he was going to say._

"_Pave the way for you," He turned for a split second to face her. His dark brown eyes looked black as he awaited her response. She wondered if there was anything she could say that might force him to exercise caution or stop him altogether._

"_There's like a hundred guys out there," Reason would have to do. The Grant Ward she knew never entered a situation without an exit strategy. Perhaps, if she could make the task daunting enough-what was she thinking? She needed him to take out the agents. Their entire team did if she was going to erase their data from the S.H.I.E.L.D. computer systems._

"_Twelve. Five foot soldiers with the basic armor package and no other way through. The others are depending on us." He trained his gaze on the door once again. In spite of the greater good, she attempted to dissuade him once more._

"_But it's suicide," she attempted to keep the panic out of her voice._

"_Not if I don't die," he said with a bit of the serious confidence she had grown used to over the past couple of months, " And, if I do-"_

"_Slow down," she cut him off. If he did?! Why would he even mention the thought or act like it was a somewhat acceptable result? Did he want to die?_

"_Maybe I deserve to," he paused, the pain evident in his tone, " I killed an innocent man, Skye." He kept his face angled away from hers but she could picture his normally composed face betraying emotion._

"_You didn't know. You thought you were doing the right thing. You thought he was going to-" She rushed to change his mind. Sure, he had acted rashly, but he was only thinking of the good of the team, proving he wasn't such a robot after all._

"_To hurt you," this time he looked her in the eyes and she felt her world shift slightly. Did he really think that much of her? Had she really gone from the annoying "hacktivist" who got under his skin to someone worth compromising his integrity for in a couple of months? Slightly unnerved, she pulled her I.C.E.R. out and handed it to him. _

"_If we make it out of this," he stopped briefly as if trying to figure out how to best phrase his next sentence, "maybe we can grab a drink, you and me." Did Grant Ward just ask her out? Did the emotionally detached, tall, and cunning specialist just show some genuine interest in her?_

"_Are you-"_

"_Remember in that bar, in Dublin? You offered to talk. I didn't want to talk. I needed to keep things compartmentalized." He began explaining, he paused as if trying to figure out a way to mention his previous fling without seeming crass. Luckily, Skye already knew._

"_Like with May?," She smiled slightly at his shock and discomfort, "I'm not an idiot. We live on the same plane together for God's sake."_

"_Well, with her, I knew that I could, but with you", he looked at her with those brooding eyes and she felt her knees turn to jelly. Stay focused, she told herself. " I didn't want to risk it." Risk what? And was he implying that they would have been the ones banging on the bus? While he was incredibly sexy, she wasn't the kind of girl to just hook up with any guy._

"_I was offering to talk, Ward, not to have sex with you," Skye said with a touch of snark, she wanted to set the record straight. Her statement had the desired effect as he immediately began to blush and had to take a moment to compose himself._

"_I'm not saying that. I'm saying I want a chance to take you up on it, to have that talk. Look I know I'm not that guy. Too locked down, too boring-" She knew they had to move quickly if they were going to remain undetected and she couldn't listen to him insult himself. _

"_When we make it out of this, yes, let's have a drink." He smiled quickly at her and began to leave. On a wild, reckless, spur of the moment decision, she spun him towards her and kissed him. Hard. It was a short embrace but a passionate one nonetheless and she felt her heartbeat skyrocket. It had been far too long since she'd experienced the sensation. Skye felt the very strong urge to do it again but restrained herself; they didn't have all day._

"_You said you might die, so, what the hell?" She said cockily, mustering up all the bravado she could but inside she was shaking. What the hell had just happened? And what did it mean for the future? Ward paused for a second as if he had something to say but quickly dove back into warrior mode._

"_Lock the door behind me," he instructed and ran out into the crosshairs, two guns ready. She placed her ear to the door and attempted to listen to the outside commotion. She heard several thuds before absolute silence. After a beat, fast footsteps rushed towards her, backing up she prayed that the specialist was the one left standing. He swung the door open, cherry blood trickled out of a fresh cut on his forehead and he looked at her expectantly. Hot damn. There were all sorts of inappropriate things the new agent wouldn't mind doing but settled for saying,_

"_You should really look the word 'boring' up in a dictionary."_

She still didn't understand how he was such an accomplished liar, but she supposed that it simply went with the territory of being a double agent for a Nazi organization that thrived on death and destruction.

Needing to clear her head, she decided to drop in on Fitz, the sometimes neurotic engineer. While Ward had hurt her emotionally, he had inflicted much more permanent damage on the affable Scott. Per Garrett's demand, Ward had launched FitzSimmons into the sea with only a heavy metal chamber to keep them safe. The journey from the dangerous depths to former Director Fury's helping hands had deprived his brain oxygen for several minutes and had inflicted significant damage. While he still possessed his wit, Fitz now had a very difficult time expressing himself and was unable to perform fine motor functions with his left hand. Furthermore the incident had somehow driven a wedge between him and the British biochemist, a feat, which Skye would have never thought possible. She found him in the lab muttering to himself as he gripped his own shoulder. Not wanting to disturb him, she quietly exited the room and continued on to the state of the art gym.

She donned her protective wraps and began wailing on the punching bag, occasionally checking her pace monitor to make sure she stayed at a steady 62 beats per minute. However, as she thought of Fitz and all the other damage the specialist had done, she was unable to keep herself calm.

_This is why I'm training so damn much, _she thought. _To keep scum like Ward off the street and to have the courage to shoot him when she needed to. _There was no doubt in her mind that she would need to put him down. It was simply an issue of time.

_**Hey,**_

_**Golly gee, I have been just super duper motivated to write lately! Thank you for all of your nice reviews and I hope you like this chapter. Please continue to tell me what you think and here are three questions to ponder: 1.) Philinda? (Follow up: do you like them as a team or as a bit more?) 2.)**__**Are you as excited as I am that the show will come back soon? 3.) And do you think Ward will redeemed this season or does he still have a long way to go?**_

_**-SSSTD**_


End file.
